23 February 2025
I can’t believe she is gone forever. I can’t believe she isn’t gonna talk to me, ever. I hear her voice every time I do a little thing with a little color. I hear her when I think how to put the beads together. I hear her tell me how to do it, and I feel getting strangely vexed that she doesn’t know that I can do it. Then I fuck it up, and go back to her like a wet kitten. Then she shows me how to fix it. I see her in the kitchen, fixing that eff’d up chicken.
I remember her voice, but really scared to hear her. I love her. I want her back. She took away last thing that was home. I needed to respect her. I needed to honor her. I didn’t do it.